Dear Diane,
My son’s 12-year-old friend is allowed to drink at home and now our son wants to do the same. I guess a little beer won’t hurt – even if it’s the dreaded shandy we used to drink when we were young – but 12 seems rather young to me and my husband agrees.
The problem is, I don’t want him sneaking out to drink elsewhere and getting into trouble. He’s a mature boy, but he’s also quite quiet and he could be easily influenced by his more confident peers. Any ideas about what I should do?
Lucy and Joe, by email
Dear Lucy and Joe,
If you care to Google “Alcohol and The Teenage Brain: Safest to keep them apart” you can read an interesting study by Professor Ian Hickie of the University of Sydney, in which he concludes:
- Alcohol should not be consumed by teenagers under the age of 18 years.
2.Alcohol use is best postponed for as long as possible in the late teenage and early adult years.
our dilemma, as parents, is how to match scientific studies with the realities of trying to raise an adolescent
in New Zealand, where there is not just a drinking culture, but a binge-drinking culture.
However, don’t underestimate your son’s maturity and analytical capabilities.
Steer him towards the research. He might derive sufficient confidence from reading online about the effect of alcohol on his developing brain to decide that abstinence till his brain matures is a sensible option.
If he does make this decision, he will need a tremendous amount of support from you and your husband to resist pressure from his peers, and, sadly, also the pressure his peers’ parents can generate.
The dreaded shandy seems a very reasonable compromise, provided your son understands how much beer there is in one and that drinking several of them can add up to quite a lot of alcohol.
Diane Levy provides expert answers to your parenting queries. Send your questions to:
family@nzww.co.nz. Diane’s parenting books are available in book shops.
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