Dear Diane,
I’m sure you get this question all the time, but it’s something I didn’t really think about until recently. Basically, my daughter is only 11 but wants to start shaving her legs and armpits. It’s strange, really, because of course I shave mine, but when a child wants to do it, somehow it feels like an “issue”, and I don’t know why.
To be honest, she is quite hairy, in that her hair is dark, so I sort of understand her problem. But I can’t help worrying if this will open the floodgates and next thing she’ll be wanting to wear makeup and dye her hair. I remember wanting a perm when I was 15 and I battled with my parents for ages about it. But that was 15 – which is a lot older. I’d really like to get your take on this, Diane.
*Joyce
Dear Joyce,**
Stick with the issue at hand – hairiness – and try not to make the decision based on what she may or may not want to do four years from now. Right now she’s feeling self-conscious about her legs and armpits. She has a model of how her mother responds to the same issue and there is a fairly simple, reversible and non-harmful solution.
If you’re really lucky, she will shave a few times, prove she can and then get on with her busy 11-year-old life. You are now entering that time of a parent’s life when our children tend to batter us with, “But you said yes to that, how come you are saying no to this?”
Don’t accept precedent as the excuse. Be determined to see it as dealing with each issue separately, rather than giving in and therefore feeling obliged to give in again. In addition, our daughters now inhabit a sad world where the pressure really is on girls and women to become the airbrushed perfection that’s impossible to attain in real life.
Be her best guide and ally. Help her to recognise the lovely emerging young adult she is, and help her stay away from striving for perfection.
Diane Levy provides expert answers to your parenting queries. Send your questions to: family@nzww.co.nz. Diane’s parenting books are available in book shops.
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