Internationally celebrated Kiwi author Catherine Chidgey is about to release her seventh novel, The Axeman’s Carnival, narrated by a cheeky magpie called Tama. While the talking, trickster bird witnessing the crumbling marriage of the main characters is far from reality, Catherine’s personal experiences with infertility and surrogacy are often lurking between the lines.
“The figure of the missing, lost or deeply wanted child has always haunted the margins of my work,” says Catherine, openly sharing how she and husband Alan Bekhuis struggled to conceive.
“Writing is a way of turning over the big events in my life, trying to make sense of them and find meaning.”
The Waikato couple, both 52, spent eight years desperately hoping to have a baby, first trying to conceive naturally, followed by cycles of fertility treatments both here in Aotearoa and the US.
“We met later in life, so having children was always potentially going to be more difficult for us, but in time, we realised it wasn’t just going to be more difficult – it wasn’t going to happen,” says Catherine.
Catherine and Alan have a cool car and a cool kid – go Alice!
They considered adoption, but with the low rates in New Zealand and their ages, Catherine felt they were unlikely to be successful candidates, so they decided surrogacy was the best option.
“I was very active in a surrogacy forum and posted saying, ‘We have somehow ended up with five cats because we can’t have children. Please will someone consider being our surrogate,'” recalls Catherine, explaining they were looking for a traditional surrogate to use her own egg and Alan’s sperm.
At times, it seemed insurmountable and the talented author wondered if they’d ever be parents.
“Then at one of the NZ Surrogacy forum get-togethers at our place, a woman named Leila Sparrow left her cardigan. It was a bit of a ruse on her part to get to know us better,” laughs Catherine.
“She later offered to be our surrogate, which was and still is incredible. With Leila’s amazing help, our daughter Alice was born in 2015.”
At every stage of their journey, NZ Surrogacy forum co-founder Donna Adams was there to support them and grew to be a treasured friend.
So, when single mum Donna posted looking for a sperm donor just before Alice was born, Catherine and Alan immediately offered.
Donna holding Alice while pregnant with Tilly.
“We’ve been so blessed and felt very strongly that we wanted to help someone else with their family,” tells Catherine. “Donna had been an egg donor and a surrogate, and already had one child, Harry, who was 18 at the time.
“As soon as I heard, I knew we’d help if Alan agreed. He did, and we joke that Donna came over for afternoon tea one day and went home pregnant. Her daughter Matilda was born nine months after Alice.”
It’s an unconventional arrangement, but has brought many unexpected blessings like multiple “sisters” for only child Alice – Leila’s two daughters, Poppy and Freya, and Donna’s daughter Matilda, now six.
Over the years, the families have grown incredibly close. They celebrate birthdays together and holiday every summer in the Coromandel.
“Someone might look at our family and think it’s confusing for the children, but because we’ve been so open with Alice from the beginning, she just accepts that’s her origin story,” explains Catherine.
Daughter Alice has multiple “sisters” because of Leila (far left) and Donna.
Devastatingly, in July this year, at just 49 years old, Donna unexpectedly passed away in her sleep. At the time the Weekly spoke with Catherine, there was no medical explanation for her death.
“It’s tragic and completely out of the blue,” shares Catherine, who is still grappling with the news her friend is gone. “Donna was in excellent health.
“We would exchange messages every other day, send photos of our kids and wobbly videos of them floundering around at dance classes. She was a huge presence in our lives and had become part of our family.”
Matilda is living with her older brother Harry, now 24, and Catherine and Alan are supporting them both. They hope to continue the annual summer holiday together and always be a big part of each other’s lives.
“We talk about Donna with Alice a lot and cry with her,” says Catherine. “I’m not a believer of adults maintaining a stiff upper lip in these situations. Donna would call a spade a spade. I loved that about her and I think it made her so good at the surrogacy work. She was warm and compassionate, but would also give honest advice.”
Despite the pain and grief, Catherine is finding a way forward. The Axeman’s Carnival has just hit shelves, as has her second children’s book, Jiffy’s Greatest Hits. It chronicles the loud adventures
of their beloved real-life cat Jiffy and is a small homage to how treasured the family cats have been, especially during the harder years.
“They were and are a big part of our lives, and brought us a great deal of comfort when it seemed like we weren’t going to be able to have children,” says Catherine.
