The Hurley family thinks of their dear Effie every day, so their recent trip to Fiji wasn’t to remember her favourite holiday. Instead, the whānau chose to be at Denarau Island for Effie’s sixth birthday to feel closer to her.
Huxley and Macklin were only seven and four when they saw their three-year-old sister die suddenly from a bacterial infection in January 2023, so Ashburton couple Shaun and Symone Hurley take every opportunity to ensure their boys, now nine and seven, remember the “sassy, bright young spark” that wee Effie was.
“We try to do something to celebrate her birthday every year and this year we wanted it to be special, so we went back to Fiji as it was a place Effie adored,” says Symone, 33. “She had the best time there.
“We felt Effie with us, lived in the moment and talked about her a lot – it was such a special trip. We sat on the beach and watched the sunset, and one day the boys got braids in her honour because last time when we all got to go, Effie sat for two hours on the beach getting her hair braided and was obsessed with them. I thought that was super-sweet of the boys to do that.”
Celebrating Effie
Celebrating the fun memories and keeping her memory alive has been part of the grieving process for the Hurleys, but finding ways to heal wasn’t initially easy.
Devastated that the boys “saw some things that no little kids really need to see”, Shaun and Symone put aside their own grief as their biggest concern was how the boys would get through losing their sister, “one of the absolute biggest lights in their lives”.
Symone tells, “They loved her so much and deserved to grieve her. They needed help to cope with the hole she left in their lives.”
When Symone and Shaun tried to access grief counselling, they found there was very little available for children and long waiting lists for themselves. They decided to go privately to a counsellor, but that meant travelling more than 90 minutes from Ashburton to Christchurch for a therapist.
Supporting other families
Hoping they are through the worse of it and are now equipped to cope with the moments where grief unexpectedly hits them, the pair decided to set up a charity to fund support for other families.
“We know how hard it is, how you can struggle to find anything but darkness – we still live it every day,” admits Symone. “We didn’t want anyone else to go through that without getting the help they need. Sadly, it happens far too often.”
They have established one of the only charities in New Zealand dedicated to child grief. The Dear Effie Charitable Trust provides financial assistance for children and families to access support – including counselling, psychology and therapy.
In just over a year, Dear Effie has helped more than 20 families in the wider Canterbury region. Symone and Shaun would like to be able to gradually offer support across the country.
To do this, weekends can often be filled with the boys doing sausage sizzles – anything to raise a little bit of money to help others.
Round the Bays
Both born and bred in Ashburton, the couple has been overwhelmed that they have more than 15 people joining them at this week’s first Southern Cross Round the Bays being held in Christchurch, to help raise money for the charity.
Effie will be with them in spirit as they walk or jog the 8.4km course from Christchurch Estuary to Marine Parade, and the team will all be donning matching T-shirts and potentially pink or purple tutus – because Effie always loved a tutu.
“She was her own wee fashionista – whatever she desired to wear, you could not stop her,” smiles Symone. “She did have a beautiful Elsa [from Frozen] dress that she loved wearing.
“The people that we’ve got supporting us for Round the Bays are a lot of family and friends – a few have lost children themselves. We’ve got a super-incredible crew. It’s a day Effie would have just loved.”
And with daylight savings just around the corner, the Hurleys will make the most of the light nights and visit her at the cemetery, possibly with their customary fish and chips, and tell her all about it.
“It’s about not only keeping her memory alive, but being there for others during what is a really hard time,” explains Symone. “Effie brought light into our lives and it means so much to us that she can do that for others too.”
To sign up to Round the Bays in Christchurch this Sunday and help raise funds in Effie’s memory, go to roundthebays.co.nz
