Not so long ago, marriage almost always came before babies. These days, anything goes. But one thing that doesn’t usually happen is for them to occur at the same time!
Fhiona Hartshorn, 36, and Kris Sanders, 38, make a point of not following traditions or taking the expected path in life, so when it turned out their much-longed-for IVF baby was due to arrive the week of their wedding, they decided just to go with the flow and see what happened.
What ensued was doctors releasing Fhiona and their newborn daughter Cassandra from Hawke’s Bay Hospital on a Friday afternoon, then their attending the wedding with 100 guests the very next day.
“The nurses at the hospital were freaking out more than we were about us getting to the wedding on time,” recalls Fhiona with a laugh.
“I did think it was a crazy idea, but 18 May was our 21st anniversary of being together, so we wanted to celebrate where we’d come from and our new beginning with a baby.”
Little Cassandra was born via C-section on 15 May after a difficult, drawn-out labour, making quite a dramatic entrance to the world after becoming trapped underneath Fhiona’s ribs.
A postpartum hemorrhage led to Fhiona losing 1.6 litres of blood and requiring several transfusions.
While this might have prompted most first-time mothers to take things easy and clear their schedule for a while, Fhiona was determined to stick to her plan of exchanging vows with her high-school sweetheart on their special date.
“I’m not someone who needed to be a perfect bride,” explains Fhiona about the decision to continue with their wedding. “We believe we are who we are, complete with our flaws, and things will happen as they are meant to as long as we remain flexible.”
Although word had spread among close family about Cassandra’s arrival, the first most wedding guests knew about the baby was when Fhiona proudly walked down the aisle holding her.
“That moment was probably the highlight for me,” recalls Fhiona. “I saw Kris with this huge smile waiting for us and I already knew that within the first three days of Cassandra’s life, he had been the best father to her. He had changed her first nappy and was unbelievably supportive of me. That’s what marriage is all about.”
Having wanted to establish themselves financially first, the couple hadn’t rushed into considering children during the two decades they were together. When they finally did try, they felt surprised and dismayed to discover they needed IVF.
Thinking a baby would arrive well before the date they set for their wedding, they were blindsided by unexpected loss in the first IVF round and it took some time for the pair to feel ready to try again.
By the time the couple was confident the second attempted pregnancy was stable, they were so excited, they didn’t see the point of changing the wedding date. They decided that, if they had to, they’d marry at the hospital and let friends celebrate at the reception.
To limit the chance of that happening, though, Fhiona and Kris told the maternity nurse before they delivered the baby that they hoped to make it to an important wedding on Saturday.
“She said, ‘Oh, whose wedding are you going to?’ and we just looked at her deadpan and said, ‘Ours.’”
Fhiona cuddles up to now-11-month-old Cassandra and laughs at the memory of explaining to the nurse they needed the baby out “ASAP to make it to our wedding on Saturday”!
Incredibly, everything went exactly according to plan on the day, with a combined bridal and newborn photo shoot, followed by a heartfelt ceremony and reception dinner at Napier’s Brookefields Vineyard afterward.
Fhiona quietly retreated whenever Cassandra needed feeding and Kris rocked the pram in between.
To add to the sense of occasion, the couple announced their new baby’s name during the speeches – a move that all their guests met with cheers and loud applause.
Kris says it was extra-special to be able to introduce their daughter to their nearest and dearest at the wedding, and even though they made an early departure and left their guests to party on without them, they wouldn’t have changed a thing.
“It was without doubt the best day of our lives, not just because we married, but because we also finally got to celebrate being parents.”
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