When Shortland Street actress Courtenay Louise first bravely opened up about her battle with eating disorders, she confessed it was her time as a model that led her on an “all-consuming” rollercoaster of starvation, bingeing and over-exercise that lasted about six years.
“I remember just hating myself,” she told Woman’s Day back in May. “I hope people who are struggling with body image can read this, know they’re not alone and hopefully muster up the courage to ask for help.”
But having had more time to reflect on her journey, Courtenay – who’s now winning a new tribe of fans on Celebrity Treasure Island – admits her negative thoughts about her body go further back than that. Social media also played a part, as did the way people spoke to her as a child.
The CTI competitor is hoping to hang on to the bitter end.
“What kicked it off hugely was definitely modelling, which is a cut-throat industry I’m very much staying away from now, but when I was growing up, so many people would tell me how thin I was,” the 28-year-old tells.
“I could hear the envy in their voices, which made me think it was something I needed to be. I started to identify as being skinny, which is so f**ked up. Then when my body went from being a ruler to being a woman with a few curves, in my head, that just wasn’t acceptable – and it came at the same time when everyone on social media was trying to sell me slimming tea.
“Modelling didn’t help and then I just spiralled. It’s only in the past few years that I’ve really got a grasp on my mental health, accepted myself, learnt to love my body and focused on being strong over being skinny.”
Courtenay is quick to point out the fact that she does “look a certain way” could send a different message to impressionable young people. “But at the end of the day, I still felt that insecurity and pain of not feeling like I was good enough.”
Her chosen charity on CTI is Voices of Hope, a non-profit content-creation organisation working to break the stigma around mental illness and reduce suicide statistics. Courtenay says, “If something like this had been on social media when I was younger, it could’ve changed how I saw myself. They’re spreading a message of hope.”
Splashing around in a bikini for our photos on a remote Northland beach, the Bay of Plenty-born beauty says the prospect of modelling shoots used to send her into a panic.
“The day before, I couldn’t eat dinner and I’d suddenly feel the need to go for a run, but I can’t imagine putting that kind of stress on myself any more,” she tells. “The difference is that I’m just happier with myself as a person. I’ve got a great career, I’m engaged, I’m loved by my family and my life has finally come together, while in my teens and early twenties, I was all over the place and just so fearful for the future.”
Courtenay is especially proud of her role as “wild and crazy” personal assistant Monique Strutter on Shorty because she was a huge fan of the iconic Kiwi soap as a child. She confesses, “I can visualise myself in the school library, flicking through the pages of a magazine with pictures of Kimberley Crossman and Michael Galvin in it, and thinking, ‘I hope I’m on there one day.’ It’s insane!”
Although the actress notes she had to “fight” the TVNZ 2 soap’s writers to make her character more likeable. “Monique was so volatile and hated, but I worked really hard and when they brought her back as a main character, they had to make her nicer for the fans.”
In her dream role on Shorty as Monique.
Together now for eight years, Courtenay got engaged to business manager Chris Read – who she met while they were working together at now-defunct Auckland bar Tyler Street Garage – in September 2020 and, after a few COVID-related delays, the pair are now pushing ahead with wedding planning.
“It’s back on!” she grins. “We’ve got a boho-chic vibe – everyone has to be in the same pastels. It’s going to be phenomenal!
The wedding’s back on with fiancé Chris!
“Chris didn’t know everything that was going on throughout my eating-disorder journey because it was a very internal, humiliating thing for me to go through, but when I finally felt like I could talk to someone, he was the first person to know. He’s my best friend and biggest supporter.”
Help is here
If you’re struggling with your mental health, text or call 1737at any time to speak to a trained counsellor for free. If you or someone you love is struggling with an eating disorder, visit ed.org.nz for support. In an emergency, always dial 111.
